YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
