i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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