i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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