walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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