I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
