Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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