wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How's work?
Spinning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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