They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
