I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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