You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Two words: blizzard sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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