I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
