I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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