Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
