I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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