You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
