Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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