I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
