I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
