Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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