You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
