Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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