How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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