Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
