my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
