You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
