I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
