Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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