I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was CRYING into my vagina
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
