I wish my penis had an off switch
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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