Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All I want is dick and wine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
