Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
