Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
