he puts the penis in happiness.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
