Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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