Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
