And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A+ Viking dick
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
