census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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