That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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