so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
