You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can I color on your dick again?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
