She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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