is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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