were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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