His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize