so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
