Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
