so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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