Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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