Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Another day, another engagement, another cat
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
