i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
