hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
