There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
