My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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