Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
