we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
