We won't sleep together?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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