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I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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