i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
