I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
