i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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