She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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