If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
