I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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