I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
