It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
