@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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