So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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