You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
