Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
