Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
