it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
