this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize