There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
