I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
