do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
