He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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