Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
