I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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